Unsolicited Advice

When I was young, my mother called a neighbor a busybody who didn't mind her own business and asked questions. I had a next-door neighbor who once told me I should be ashamed of myself for having another baby, my fourth daughter. Luckily, we had our fifth in California, where neighbors were thrilled when we had our fifth child!

Over the years, I have received free advice from various well-intentioned friends and strangers. When in an open-minded frame of mind, I have taken the suggestions with gratitude or a grain of salt, depending on the comment.

As an ager now, I am noticing not many people actually say the words, "What do you think I should do? Of course, as a therapist in session, I have free reign to offer suggestions, but outside that venue, it is important to be careful, even when asked for advice.

You can be told to stay in a relationship, leave it, stop reaching out to family, or continue reaching out to them, go on a diet, or stay the way you are, read a certain book, or visit a certain place, and all the while, taken in the right frame of mind, advice or suggestions can be an indicator of your friends' interest in you or be seen as interfering with your life.

Rule of thumb, keep my mouth shut unless asked directly for another way of looking at things. It brings about peace of mind. I try to visualize opening a door that is closed and walking in, and seeing a person shocked that I have done so. If you have done that a few times, you usually don't do it again.

In the Serenity Prayer, it asks for the serenity to accept the things we cannot change (others), to change the things we can (ourselves) and the wisdom to know the difference. Good request. g